As a mother you never want someone to say you are a bad parent. I would beat the person who told me I was a bad mom into the ground. I do not think I am a bad parent at all. I also rarely say So&So is a bad parent. (Aside from my neighbors who had 2 children under the age of 3 sleep in ONE play pen, TOGETHER)
Anyways, there does come a day when most avarage mother thinks she is a bad mother. (I know this because I hear it from my mommy groups a lot) Today was my day. Ellie was being a monster and when she gets mad, man her attitude is horrible. She starts throwing things. She wanted chocolate juice (milk) but Im trying to limit that down to bedtime and early mornings. (Milk and chocolate syrup just dont last long in this house)
After she threw the cup, her corndog and blanket, I went to her room and have her a little pop on her leg. Like a warning spanking, not hard at all. Just to get her attention and tell her that she does not throw her food, cup, etc. Not 5 seconds after I handed her the cup, corndog and blanket back and left her room did I hear her launch the cup across the room again. I went in there once more, popped her butt and repeated the process as before. This time she was throwing the biggest fit and just being horrible. I tried to sit her down on her chair for a time out and she was yelling, screaming and acting like a teenage (Ahhhhhh!). I just left the room. No sooner after I sit ont he couch again do I here her throw her table over. (little princess table with chairs) Went into her room, I popped her once more on the butt, took her to the living room and sat her on the floor by the couch. I got the timer out and told her to stay there. After cleaning up the mess that was now her room I went to enforce time out. Once it was done I sat her on the couch and explained to her that she does not throw things (such as the sippy cup, food, etc) After I got her to calm down some and lay down on the couch I see her leg (upper area) where I had spanked her. It was welted up and splotchy red. Honestly it looked like a hicky in a weird shape (the shape of a hard almost) I was mortified when I saw this. Absolutly, down right ashamed that I had spanked my little girl (obviously) hard enough to make it bruise. I swear I didnt spank her that hard. It may have been because my hand was flat and not cupped when I spanked her the last time. (since it was the plam that left the mark) My stomach still turns and heart hurts when I see it or even as Im typing this and thinking about it. How could I leave a mark like that on my baby's body??
Obviously, I am not against spanking, its just something I havent had to do much. Its more of a threat than an action. After this happening its almost enough to make me NOT spank anymore. (Probably not likely though)
I didnt show Logan and still havent told him about it. I dont think he would freak out, get mad or even really say anything against me but that is just how ashamed I am of what I did. I've kept her in shorts, tutu, anything that is long and covers her butt cheak. I just hope the mark clears up and is gone soon.
After I got her to calm down, I sat there and kissing her head and telling her I love her, over and over and still do not feel like I have said it enough. Gah, Im a horrible mom..
I did learn something from all of this. Ellie has sensitive skin. No but really, I dont need to spank like that. Even though I didnt do that on purpose, it still happened.
So with a deep breath, Im going to end this review of my self, thank God that it was nothing worse, and that he granted me the abitlity to control myself and not spank her harder or more then I did.
On to other news, Garrett fell in the bathroom the other day (Saturday) and busted his mouth open. I thought he his his forehead on the tub but it ended up being his mouth. (Yes, I was there when he did it, I saw it happened. I wasnt MIA in another room) I took him out of the tub, wrapped in him towels and held him close to me. Then I noticed the blood in his mouth. He had a gash on his lip and his upper lip was busted at that little piece of skin that attaches the lip to gums. His teeth were blood and I felt like a new mom who had never delt with that before. I didnt know what to do. The local clinic was closed (I'd have to call for an on call to meet me there, long story) I didnt think it was that bad. Thank God again that it stopped bleeding. He is find today, just a couple swollen and sensitve lips. It hasnt slowed him down at all.
With all that said and the CPS call have been made (by my followers) I am going to cook dinner. Hope everyone has a nice week.
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